“Donny 2-Doll”

Mob Boss, Named: “Donny 2-Doll”

🎺🎤 [JINGLE INTRO – UPBEAT MUSIC]
🎵 “From the makers of Gaslight Barbie and Insurrection Ken… it’s Donny 2 Doll!” 🎵

🎙️ [ANNOUNCER – CHEESY, ENTHUSIASTIC VOICE]
Introducing Donny 2 Doll! — the totally-not-indicted, definitely-elected, extra-deluxe talking figure from MAGA Toys™!

Now with 23 official sound bites like:

🗣️ “I’m like, really smart.”
🗣️ “That’s a nasty question!”
🗣️ “I don’t know her, never met her.”

⚖️ Comes with interchangeable accessories:
– A tiny golf club,
– A gold-plated cheeseburger,
– Three blank executive orders,
– And a tiny classified document folder!
(Caution: contents may be fake.)

👔 Change his outfit from Rally Mode to Court Appearance with our patented Velcro jumpsuit technology!

🪞 Bonus: Mirror accessory included so he can admire himself even when no one else will.

💬 And don’t forget the limited-edition “Truth Social” phone, which only dials Mar-a-Lago.

🎙️ “Donny 2 Doll — he’s not just playing president… he‘s playing Russian Roulette!”

🔊 Batteries not included. Okay, they are. No, wait, never mind, they’re not. Or whatever. Frankly, I don’t give a damn. Oh, one more thing: Legal fees are sold separately, but you can make a deal on the side.

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DONNY 2 DOLL™ — Life-Like Action Figure — From the Makers of Insurrection Ken! Accessories Included!

VISUAL ELEMENTS:

A plastic-looking Trump figure in a red tie, weirdly orangish-tan, with movable arms and a shouting, pouting mouth.
Accessories spread out around him in a plastic blister pack:
- Burger with gold leaf
- Mini golf club
- Tiny podium with ‘USA’ stickers
- Mar-a-Lago passport
- Tiny classified document folder
- Orange spray tan bottle
- Little MAGA hat with Velcro strap
- A button that says: “Press to hear 7 vaguely threatening phrases!”
- In fine print: “Legal defense fund not included.”

SLOGANS AROUND THE EDGE:

“He tweets! He rants! He forgets what year it is!”
“Now with 23% more delusion!”
“Collect them all before he indicts himself again!”

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🎵 Song: “Donny 2 (The Dollfather)”
Genre: Broadway satire / gangster jazz-fusion with cartoon FX & echo delay

[verse 1]
🎙️ (filtered vintage mic)
He came from the shadows of a golden tower,
Wore a tie like a blade and mistook it for power.
👞 (SFX: plastic squeak)
He said, “Call me Donny 2, I run this town,”
But he squeaks when he walks and his pants fall down.
🎶 (echo on “down… down… down”)

[chorus – full chorus vocals, bright Broadway style]
🎵 Is he real, or is he plastic?
🎵 Is that smirk just molded drastic?
🎵 Gangster boss or talking toy,
🎵 Subpoena in one hand, cheeseburger joy!
🎵 Donny 2, what’s it to you?
🎵 Mobbed-up doll with imported glue.
(SFX: gavel bang + silly spring “boing”)

[verse 2 – whisper FX layered under lead vocal]
He’s got a dollhouse penthouse and a mafia dream,
A MAGA machine and a voice that screams.
(Pitch-shifted button press: “Witch hunt! Hoax!”)
Push his chest, he starts to shout —
“Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!”
🎶 (echo trail on “out… out… out…”)

[pre-chorus – distorted radio filter]
📦 Customs caught him at the port,
In a crate marked “Totally Legit Import.”
Label read: “Made in Mysteryland,”
But tariffs slapped him right outta hand!
💸 (cash register + angry buzzer)

[chorus – backup vocals rise]
🎵 Is he fake or is he feared?
🎵 He’s got one expression: weird.
🎵 Mob boss drip or doll display,
🎵 Either way — he’s made in Taipei.
🇹🇼 (spoken in background: “This item may not meet U.S. safety standards.”)

[bridge – whisper gang chorus, snapping fingers]
🎵 He’s got Rudy in a holster,
🎵 Melania on a coaster,
🎵 Ivanka’s got that lipstick case —
🎵 It doubles as a lawyer-chaser mace.
🥁 (slow-building jazz drums + toy gun cocking sound)

[final chorus – full blast, Broadway big finish]
🎵 Donny 2, you’re the toy and the crime,
🎵 Running rackets one press at a time.
🎵 Smuggled in with a fake gold chain,
🎵 Now boxed and banned — and still insane!

[outro – spoken word, deep echo & vinyl crackle]
🎙️ “You pull my string… I pull the strings… Capiche?”
🎙️ “Also… I demand a tariff exemption!”
(SFX: toy box slamming shut + audience laughter track)

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🎵 Song: “Two Dolls for the Price of Thirty”
Genre: Satirical Broadway / Cabaret Funk – big vocals, layered harmonies, theatrical delivery

[verse 1]
They used to buy ‘em by the box,
Thirty dolls with tiny socks.
Little arms and plastic shoes,
American dreams in Chinese blues.

But now the shelves are looking bare,
Two sad dolls in a gassy stare.
Donny says, “It’s not a loss,
I made ‘em premium — like ME, the boss.”

[chorus]
Two dolls for the price of thirty!
Covered in gold and slightly dirty!
Limited stock, but loaded with flair —
Comes with a comb-over and a thousand-yard stare!

Plastic soul, imported pride,
Just don’t ask where the truth might hide.
Tariffs high, wages low —
But Donny 2 Doll is ready to go!

[verse 2 – mock press conference tone]
(Muffled crowd chatter)
“Mr. 2, what about inflation?”
“I call it doll appreciation.”
“What if people can’t afford them?”
“Then they’ll appreciate them MORE!”

“But sir, kids only got two this year—”
“Better than NONE, let’s be clear.”
“And the price?”
“It’s part of the plan.
I call it Patriot Tax by Tiny Hands.”

[bridge – spotlight vibe, slightly slower]
Let them eat plastic, let them collect,
Let them pretend they still have respect.
Let them unbox and quietly stew,
While I sell ‘em a doll that looks just like… you-know-who.

[chorus – brassy, bold, theatrical]
Two dolls for the price of thirty!
Ain’t that sweet? Ain’t that purty?
The American Dream in shrink-wrap form —
Slightly defective, slightly stormed.

Buy it fast, don’t read the tag —
Made in a country we just flagged.
Small parts, choking hazard, sealed with a kiss —
It’s a Donny 2 deal — how could you miss?

[outro – spoken word, big echo]
“I’ve made dolls great again.
Fewer dolls, better dolls, EXPENSIVE dolls… the best dolls.
That’s what winning looks like.”
(Sound effect: toybox slamming shut)
(Sound effect: cash register ka-ching)
(Sound effect: soft maniacal laughter fading out)

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🎵 Title: “Tariff Tango (The Donny 2 Slide)”
Genre: Jazz Lounge Satire – sultry, smooth, sarcastic swing with upright bass, brushed drums, smoky sax, and sly vocals

[verse 1]
He danced through customs in a velvet coat,
Whispered sweet nothings on a trade war boat.
Said, “Baby, these dolls? They ain’t cheap no more,
‘Cause freedom comes with a duty at the door.”

He slid a wink to the shipping clerk,
Raised the price like a patented quirk.
“They’ll pay double just to feel elite,
Slap on a tariff and call it a treat.”

[chorus]
It’s the Tariff Tango, baby, come and sway,
Where the costs go up, and the dreams drift away.
Imports dancing like a marionette parade,
And Donny 2’s cashing every game he played.

Slide to the left, pass the surcharge down,
Slide to the right, raise prices in town.
It’s the Donny 2 Slide — no refunds apply,
Just a tango of taxes under a gold-leaf sky.

[verse 2]
He said, “We’re bringing jobs back, trust in me,”
While stamping “Made in Not Here” on every T.V.
The dolls are still plastic, the wages still flat,
But the spin’s so smooth you forget all that.

He tangoed past the truth, dipped into spin,
Twirled statistics with a plastic grin.
Said, “It’s not about fairness, it’s about the show —
Raise the curtain, raise the toll, let the profits flow.”

[bridge]
(solo sax riff)
(sound effect: distant customs dogs barking)
The dance floor’s crowded, the tariffs tight,
You can’t afford freedom — not tonight.
You’ll settle for a doll, a box, a quote,
And a president’s face on a ransom note.

[final chorus]
Tariff Tango, play it slow and sly,
Like a backroom deal with a knowing eye.
Twist and turn, then slap the fee,
Call it liberty, charge it separately.

Donny 2, he’s leading the glide,
With a doll in his hand and truth in a slide.
He danced with the market, dipped it low,
And sold us all out with a wink and a bow.

[outro – spoken, cool delivery]
“It ain’t a crime if you tax it.”
(pause)
“Now spin, baby, spin…”
(sound effect: jazz cymbal brush and cash register bell)