SONG: KGOD Late Night Community
[INTRO – LOW ELECTRICAL HUM]
[OLD AM RADIO STATIC]
[SOFT HAMMOND ORGAN]
[DISTANT TRAIN HORN]
HOST:
[DEEP LATE NIGHT RADIO VOICE]
Good evening night travelers…
insomniacs…
graveyard shift survivors…
and those of you sitting in parked cars wondering how life got this strange…
This is station Kay Gee Oh Dee…
Kay GOD…
the station that makes it…
Broadcasting from somewhere in the foothills of Hell…
where the coffee’s hot…
the signals are weak…
and the conversations go on all night…
Tonight is Open Lines Night here at Kay GOD Community Radio…
No experts.
No solutions.
Just people trying to make sense of things after midnight.
Let’s go to the phones…
CALLER #1:
[TIRED TRUCK DRIVER]
Been driving through Nevada six hours…
except I passed the same gas station four times.
Same dog.
Same broken ice machine.
HOST:
Well caller…
sometimes the road gets lost too.
CALLER #1:
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
HOST:
Keep the shiny side up…
and if the moon starts following you…
don’t make eye contact.
CALLER #1:
Too late.
[SHORT ORGAN RIFF]
HOST:
Kay GOD Community Radio…
helping America remain unusually calm during unusual circumstances since next Thursday.
Next caller…
CALLER #2:
[MIDDLE-AGED WAITRESS]
I work nights at an all-night diner outside Bakersfield.
We got a customer comes in every night around two-thirty.
Orders coffee.
Never drinks it.
Just stares out the window.
HOST:
A lot of people doing that these days.
CALLER #2:
Problem is…
there ain’t no parking lot outside the window.
Just desert.
But every night at three-fifteen…
headlights sweep across the wall.
HOST:
Don’t close the diner.
People need somewhere to go at three in the morning.
CALLER #2:
Yeah…
I think maybe they do.
[LOW STATIC]
HOST:
This portion of Kay GOD brought to you by Timeline Insurance Incorporated.
“When yesterday changes…
we’re there for you.”
Now back to Open Lines After Midnight…
CALLER #3:
[YOUNG NERVOUS MALE]
I think my apartment’s haunted.
HOST:
Still cheaper than rent in Los Angeles.
CALLER #3:
Every night my smart refrigerator talks to me.
HOST:
What does it say?
CALLER #3:
Mostly judgmental stuff.
Told me to stop eating cheese at two AM.
Last night it said:
“THE BODY REQUIRES BETTER FUEL.”
HOST:
Honestly caller…
that refrigerator may be trying to help you.
CALLER #3:
Then it ordered probiotics online.
HOST:
I’d unplug it before it achieves self-awareness.
[SOFT ORGAN]
HOST:
Strange days friends…
Sometimes I think this station exists so people driving lonely highways…
working night shifts…
or sitting awake in dark kitchens…
can hear another human voice saying:
“Yeah…
I see it too.”
One final caller tonight…
CALLER #4:
[ELDERLY MALE]
Just wanted to say thanks for the station.
My wife and I used to stay up late listening to radio together.
After she passed…
the nights got quiet.
Then I found Kay GOD.
Sometimes when your signal fades…
I could swear I hear her laughing in the static.
[LONG SILENCE]
HOST:
Well caller…
around here…
we try not to question good reception.
[LOW RADIO STATIC]
HOST:
This is station Kay Gee Oh Dee…
Kay GOD…
the station that makes it…
Keep your dial somewhere between curiosity and caution…
watch the skies…
tip your waitress…
and if reality starts flickering…
try rebooting your soul — unplug it and plug it back in again.
Goodnight everybody.
Be seeing you!
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Hey, the Bardo bus is over here!
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See You At The Top!!!
gorby