10 Best Weapons For Today

You will surely need a “best” weapon in these trying times, what with the Reds and Blues both trying to dominate the system, and only one side can win, as you know — right after you hear “You’ve Failed” in your dead mother’s voice, the winning team will jump over to your safe zone and wipe out every last one of the losers, even in your spawning space.

Not only is it humiliating, it takes up extra time that could be spent hiding. But that IS the tradition, except in CTF Two Forts, of course. In that case, after the third successful run on either side, the counter resets itself.

Most 2Fort servers are set to 3 runs, and I hope that helps you figure it out. The back-and-forth and attack-and-defend maps tend to have “WIPEOUT” at the conclusion of every match.

Ignominious should be my middle name — I’ve been caught at the wrong end of “WIPEOUT” many thousands of times, and that doesn’t include other civilizations or time zones.

With the Winner’s Circle Games coming up this FALL GAMING SEASON, which is going to be even more action-packed than before the covid virus and resultant lockdowns, you really should review your weapon options in Team Fortress 2.

If you get too good for the server, you can HANDICAP yourself by only performing TAUNT KILLS, which are kills that are almost impossible, but some folks are uncannily good at it.

Weapons Vary Greatly

They all play differently, and have different uses, depending on the type of offense or defense, and it’s easy to switch weapons and even character classes, if you know how, and I’ll do a short general weapons review right now, just to make sure we’re on the same page.

  • DON’T SWITCH CLASSES UNLESS YOU’RE IN THE SPAWNING ROOM, unless you want to blow up into smithereens and crumble dead to the floor, which is what happens if you don’t first go to the nearest spawn chamber.
  • YOUR KEYBOARD NUMBERS will call up various weapons, and don’t use the keypad, use the numbers above the letter keys QWERTYUIOP, which is pronounced “kwerteeyoueeyop, as any 20th century steno can tell you.
  • IF YOU’RE AN ENGINEER, your “4” button will call up your weapons options.
  • IF YOU’RE A SOLDIER, learn the Rocket jump, or deny yourself 90% of the fun of playing SOLDIER, along with the satisfaction of blowing things up just about anywhere.
  • A SPY absolutely MUST learn the method of using a SAPPER, to destroy enemy buildings, and double-absolutely must learn the secret of the BACKSTAB, which is the only legit use of the knife, and remember, you can’t strike with any weapon while you’re still wearing the CLOAK OF INVISIBILITY, or maybe you’ve got the usual SPY ring.

Things You Need To Know:

HATS are an important part of weaponizing yourself, and so are TAUNTS. I rely totally on my ENGIE taunts when the INTEL is sitting out somewhere, like the SINK ROOM or the BRIDGE.

There are wild variations between ENGIE and SNIPER, and that goes double for SPY. You’ll want to select which class to play, depending on the action. If you’re an ENGIE and there are a LOT of spies, switch to PYRO and blast them out of there.

Somebody just blew up your SENTRY GUN and your AMMO DISPENSER and both of your TELE pads? Just go PYRO and stop them in their tracks, then go back to ENGIE if you dare.

Is an annoying DEMOMAN chopping off your head repeatedly with an unusual sword? Time to switch to DEMO and go to the LOADOUT to switch over to sword and shield, and don’t forget the fast-action PEGLEG and PARROT.

Here are a few examples of various weapons, wielded by a variety of character classes in TF2, as it’s played today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQDJCmNRp3U

The SCOUT is easy to play, but there are subtleties that will take years to master. Especially fun is the dead mackeral — it takes a double hit to kill with the fish, but it is SO Christian, isn’t it?

If you want to get around the map quickly, the SCOUT is your best choice, but it has almost NO defense, like the SPY, and you have to be quick and clever.

One thing that’s handy to know — the SCOUT can use the POPGUN or SCATTER GUN to take out an enemy SENTRY GUN.

What a handy thing to know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_qlEj5l2V8

This SOLDIER video pretty much captures the whole-cloth method of being a TF2 SOLDIER, but you yourself a SOLDIER must be, to get the subtleties of the craft of soldiering — it’s not just blowing thing up.

It’s blowing them up effectively and efficiently. The SOLDIER’S CREDO is, “Kill the enemy and break their shit!” and that’s exactly what you’re there to do, and there’s no more fun way to kill the enemy than as a SOLDIER, red OR blue!

Of course, both teams are actually one team, although during the gameplay, they might easily forget this.

You can’t have a game with only one side, unless you’re a Republican. Somehow, the Republicans walked right into that one.

I invented the flamethrower back in 1997 on the AMIGA platform, but it wasn’t until the PYRO in TF2 that it really came into its own.

Fact is, the PYRO is a subtle and effective class, if played right. Most PYROS just hit the M1 Mouse button and hold it until dead.

Those newbie PYROS are not long-tolerated on any server, and are soon taunted out of staying there unless they clean up their act.

PYRO is a great “SPY SWEEP” class — you go through your base, hitting every SPY hangout you go past — as a SPY, you learn the “SAFE” spots, of course, and then apply that SPY experience with your PYRO experience, and you get ANTI-SPY, see?

I gotta tell ya, if PYRO were the only class, I wouldn’t mind at all. Look, there’s nothing more satisfying than a crisped enemy, especially if it’s your best friend, who just got team-balanced to the other side.

Death is funny in TF2, nobody takes it seriously, and it should be the same here in your world today.

Death is just nature’s way of telling you to slow down. In TF2, death is a way of getting around the playing board.

If you’re in the enemy fortress, downstairs almost at their INTEL, and your INTEL is taken, what should you do?

Best play is to go ahead and try for the enemy INTEL and when — not if — you fail, because there were two sentry guns you didn’t know about in the INTEL ROOM, you can then try to stop the enemy from carrying your INTEL out the door, if you get back quickly enough.

Usually, you don’t.

You get back just in time to use a FLARE GUN on the rapidly-receding back of the INTEL CARRYING enemy, who is already across the bridge and well on his or her way to capping your INTEL, but you can always try — it’s just death again, and that means respawn with a fresh belt of ammo and a restored health to 100%.

Hey, that can work for you.

The DEMO is really for that kind of player who has outgrown TF2 and is thoroughly overqualified for Planet Earth.

In short, a truly wondrous player can do wonders with a DEMOMAN.

For one thing, you can place STICKY BOMBS around the INTEL, or on any wall or ceiling, and blow away any passing enemy.

If you’re red, your stickies will only affect blues, so don’t worry about your teammates, they’re totally immune.

Um, unless, of course, the server has TEAM DAMAGE turned to “ON”, which makes the game about 95% impossible to play, but some folks like it that way.

The HEAVY is a very tough class to play right. Most folks just stand next to an AMMO DISPENSER that some ENGIE has put up near a key doorway, and fires millions of rounds in every direction for a very long time.

That’s not how to play HEAVY.

A POCKET MEDIC helps tremendously, and in the sewers, it’s an absolute necessity, unless you’re protecting an ENGIE BASE in the sewers, in which  case, you do as I said earlier, stand nearby an AMMO DISPENSER and blast everything in sight for a very long time, resting only when nobody appears to threaten the ENGIE STATION, however, you must be aware that SPIES will try to get through to the ENGIE BUILDINGS, and if you lose the dispenser, you’ll soon die.

Most folks hate to play MEDIC — it’s a thankless job, and many teammates will complain about the MEDIC, accusing you of favoring everyone else, or pocketing a CORNER SNIPER, but you do it because the team needs a MEDIC.

MEDICS are walking repair kits for the health of teammates, but a COMBAT MEDIC or an ATTACK MEDIC can be devastating.

Use the BONESAW for really rare results, and there are variants that do amazing things, not to mention the fact that your syringe heals teammates and infects enemies, not a bad plan if you don’t know what else to do.

The MEDIC can put a team over the top with an UBER, which is how a lot of caps are made these days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iAcBhZC1QI&t=28s

I gotta say, the ENGIE is my all-time rave-fave character class, but you’ll need a lot of skill — the weapons do nothing in the hands of a dumb ENGIE.

You have to know how to counter SPIES, PYROS, SOLDIERS AND DEMOS, and it’s not easy, plus you’ll need a LOT of patience and a profound sense of TEAM DUTY in order to remain in the INTEL ROOM, although that’s not always the best setup — it will vary, depending on the attacks of the other team.

SPY versus SENTRY — I only did one video of the SPY, but it does capture the sense of it, and at least some of the insidious and wildly erratic plans and sabotages you have at your disposal.

The SPY has no armor, and hardly any defenses of the offensive kind, but you DO have invisibility, you can fake your own death and come back to life, and you can appear to be on the opposite side.

What more could you ask?

Okay, I’ve run out of time for blogging, must dash off to breakfast and morning meeting.

See You At The Top!!!

gorby