Tell a Story, Sing a Song

If there are any Official Secrets to Music, these are they:

1.   Tell a Story — this simply means any story about the simple nursery song that you’ve selected for this exercise (such as “Mary Had a Little Lamb”, or “Jack & Jill” or “Sing a Song of Sixpence” — any story will do, including that there isn’t one, ie; a rambling exploration of random notes and measures. Usually it means a story, pure & simple, describing the song’s major points, such as the fact that the farmer lived in a dell, had a wife, many chicks, ducks, geese, horses, cattle, swine, and a couple of wild and crazy dogs with a penchant for handouts. A story like that generally begins with a beginning, goes on a while in the middle, and stops at the end. The MIDDLE part is generally about the obstruction, the pain, the misery or the angst of it all. A typical song story is “my baby done left me”, whether you hear it in blues, folk, pop, ballad, country-western, jazz or classical, it’s always about relationships of one kind or another. That’d be human/human (read as: “human over human”) and bottle/human and a whole chain of seductions that read more or less the same. The story is told verbally before the instrument is sounded. The STORY should NOT take more than 1 minute to tell, especially the “Boy Meets Girl, Girl Gets Drownded, Boy Gets Hanged sort of murder-ballad you’ll find commonly in folk music.

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GoreBagg Says: There Is No Cure For Stupid

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Just a comment on the Shutdown Showdown from Lord Vish… uh, I mean “Ol’ GoreBagg”:

It’s not just the Republicans — everyone is standing their ground, in essence, playing “Chicken” — where you run two jalopy type hot-rod cars at each other, until one turns aside — with our money, our work-lives and our homes and families. The game of “Chicken” always ends badly. Remember Sal Mineo and Steve McQueen in Rebel Without a Cause? The cars always go over the cliff, and at some point somewhere along the line, somebody doesn’t make it out the door in time, and this time it’s America that failed to jump and is going to go over the cliff. It’s already too late to avoid extreme calamity to the lower and middle classes — of course leaving the rich  Senators unscathed and actually financially a bit ahead, because they are in a position to dominate and profit from market downturns, besides outright selling “short”. It’s far too late to bring back national prosperity and pride, but there should be just enough time to bring the bastards responsible for the destruction of the United States to a fair trial by 10 or more of their peers, with a few million alternate jurors standing in the wings. The thing is, Senators can’t be prosecuted for Congressional Malpractice, and that’s what should happen but of course, won’t. The very, very rich always get away with it, didn’t you know? The reason I posted this the night before the deadline is that even with a settlement, the damage is done.

Point of interest; a classic historical factoid from the past — President Truman met with a half dozen nuclear scientists, trying to decide whether to set off, ie; “test”, a nuclear weapon back in 1945, at Alamagordo, New Mexico, before dropping two more on Nagasaki and Hiroshima… President Truman asked if it were true that there was a possibility that the explosion could set off a chain reaction, incinerating the entire planet. Nobody knew what a bomb like that could actually do. The six scientists responded as one with the now-classic answer: “Mr. President, we’re willing to take that chance!”

Personally, it’s no skin off my blue back, I’m immortal and I’m merely a casual visitor, checking in to see if everything’s running right, and by golly, it is! From where I live, it’s all terribly amusing. I hope you’re enjoying this section of history as much as I do. It’s my hobby.

See You At The Top!!!

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Decrypting the Cross-Harp Harmonica Code

did you read this blog?

I know what you’re wondering … what has overstuffed boobs to do with cross-harp harmonica? Beats me, but it does get the hits. Cross-Harp is easy to understand, if you know what happens when you blow or draw on a harmonica. Drawing produces opportunities for note-bending and other expressive and dynamic tricks that just won’t happen or won’t happen as well on the outbreath. Yes, we’re talking inbreath and outbreath here, and it’s all very esoteric, but that’s not enough to get us over the Sinister Barrier of incompetence…make that “rank incompetence”. Okay, so what IS cross-harping, anyway? Simply put, it’s playing the opposite side of the main guys. For instance, if the song is in the Key of A, let’s say, a 12-bar blues in A, then the harp player would want to play in D, to take the most advantage of the outbreath. Of course, one could hold onto an A and a D, one over the other, and take both sides, the straight key, and the cross-key; this can be very effective, but tends to create havoc in the new player. Look for my Cross-Harp Breakdown for more exact info on what harp to play across what, but here’s the gist of it:

G/C, A/D, Bb/Eb, B/E, C/F, D/G, Eb/Ab, E/A, F/Bb, F#/B, Db or C#/F#  — and don’t hoc me in chaynekh that I included the F# — it’s a guitarist favorite, and you will eventually have to deal with it. I have a whole package in process for very, very advanced blues harp practice at home with my special “Lookin’ Good” Backing Tracks so stay tuned for most recent announcements…it’s happening hourly! I invented the backing track concept, and it makes you sound 1000 times better than you actually are!!! You will not believe how good you will sound on blues harp, the very first minute you play it, against my special backing tracks. Lookin’ Good ain’t the half of it. Pwn the Holidays with Gorby’s Lookin’ Good Backing Tracks for flute, harmonica, guitar, zen flute, recorder, horns and more!!!

See You At The Top!!!

gorby

Don’t Change How You Play

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ej at red house 1971 — photo by T. Jones

I’ve developed a method for playing guitar that allows you to play very sophisticated and difficult scales without having to learn new chords or retrain your fingers. You’ll use the following chords: E, Em, E7, A, Am, A7, B7, to play in almost all the keys. You will instantly be able to fake solo leads using my simple lead chart. You can’t make a mistake, there’s nothing to go wrong. Total simplicity is the key to this easy to learn guitar cheat. In addition, I’ve developed backing tracks that allow you to remain at your present undeveloped skill level while still sounding absolutely pro. You can use this for holiday gatherings, and blow the minds of friends and family with your apparent skills at blues, jazz, hip-hop, ballad, pop, dance, rock, r&b, latin, reggae, folk, bluegrass, fusion, country and more!!! Each backing track CD has an entire show of about a dozen tunes, and you’ll sound incredible on ALL of them, I guarantee it! You can order the CDs now — see the titles above to order. The CDs will be available in a few days. Download options are being explored even as we speak. Oh, I almost forgot to mention it, but I have a set of backing tracks that will make you sound like the greatest jazz and blues flute player on the planet. Coming soon, a set of backing tracks that will make you sound like the greatest blues harp player in the Western Rim of the Galaxy Milky Way (strictly a local name — we Outer Limits Folks (OLFs) refer to your galaxy as “Shnarg”. I won’t translate, for fear of reprisals.

See You At The Top!!!

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If God Dropped Acid, Would He See People???

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If God Dropped Acid, Would He See People??? If God sneezed, what would you say? If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would anyone know? If you installed a skylight in your apartment, what would the upstairs neighbors say? Are Black Holes the places where God divided by zero? If you really did have everything, where would you put it all? Is there a lifeguard at the Gene Pool? If you buy dehydrated water, what do you add? What’s another word for Thesaurus? Would an Existential Map have “You Are Here” written all over it? Just remember that Anywhere Is Walking Distance From Here, if you’ve got the time.

See You At The Top!!!

gorby

Hunting Gear

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We all know the effects of aging, but if you’re out there on the ever-popular Mate-Market, age effects are anything but welcome. Let’s generate a short list of the biggest problems… okay, first on the list would be age lines, which includes crow’s feet, cracked lips, worry lines, frown lines and just plain pits, crags and crevices.

Then comes a parade of concerns: sagging breasts, butt and tummy; puffy eyes, mottled skin, corns, moles, cellulite, varicose veins and a variety of personal tragedies in the form of self-imagined “imperfections” and “blemishes”.

There are many thousands of remedies available to the elderly mate-hunter; first and foremost would be cosmetics, which can transform a person into someone they aren’t, as any movie-goer can tell you. In daylight, of course, the pumpkin reverts to type.

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Government Meltdown Blues — Lyrics & Tabulature

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Government Meltdown Blues

( Bm – Em – Am7 – Bb7 )

I thought I’d weigh in on the subject of the most recent government shutdown as a result of a few nasty people in the well-publicized “Caucus Suicide Pact”, a power-hungry political conspiracy which is currently holding the rest of the country hostage.

(guitar lead short solo here)

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Hemp & Bamboo

Like Bamboo, Hemp is a sort of be-anything-you-like-me-to-be, an Al Capp Shmoo-like creature. There are two hemp shops in Grass Valley, and another right down the road in Roseville. If you’ve  never worn a pair of hemp socks, you aren’t familiar with the phrase, “Life is too short to drink bad wine.”. I eat hemp seeds in my salads every day, and just bought some bamboo socks which are also amazingly soft and close-fitting. Hemp has so many industrial uses that it’s impossible to list them, and had it not gotten banned along racial lines back in the day, it would be a normal part of our national economy, as our Founding Fathers predicted:

“Two of my favorite things are sitting on my front porch smoking a pipe of sweet hemp, and playing my Hohner harmonica.” – Abraham Lincoln (from a letter written by Lincoln during his presidency to the head of the Hohner Harmonica Company in Germany)

“Hemp is of first necessity to the wealth & protection of the country.”
– Thomas Jefferson, U.S. President

“Make the most you can of the Indian Hemp seed and sow it everywhere.”
– George Washington, U.S. President

“We shall, by and by, want a world of hemp more for our own consumption.”
– John Adams, U.S. President

 

Garbage Guitar Cheats

http://youtu.be/155S86jPam8

Couldn’t resist posting this; not only is it a terrific method for taking it easy on the guitar, but the instructions contain the most basic secret of guitar I know — don’t bust yer chops where you don’t have to! Uncle Raggy expresses perfectly the most fundamental guitar principles I hold dear — where we differ is in the area of regret. He says he made a mistake in not mastering the guitar correctly. I always had a clear choice and carefully and consciously selected the path of “what sounds good to me” and what doesn’t bust my chops to make happen. Like Uncle Raggy, I never play the same song twice, even though I know it well enough to do so, because I follow the Navajo Rule of Music: “Listen to the whole, and adjust yourself accordingly.”. You would do well to watch Uncle Raggy’s videos — there’s more wisdom there than meets the eye directly. Somebody asked Uncle Raggy if he was familiar with a 60s song, and his reply echoes mine: “Does it look as if I missed the sixties???” Join us at the ICW, where we’ll explore some of the ideas behind the song. You can catch me at Club Leger from time to time the next few days — breaking in a new routine.

See You At The Top!!!

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