Dr. & Mrs. Cholmondeley Featherstonehaugh Merriweather at home, photo by ej gold.
Romantic Love Addiction For Sale! Yessir, get your Romantic Love Addiction here! What is Love Addiction, exactly?
That’s an easy question. Romantic Love Addiction is Addiction to Romantic Love, a total fantasy game played by two or more in total agreement on the rules. Addiction is addiction; there is no secret formula or secret meaning. Addiction is addiction. You CAN’T STOP, YOU CAN’T STOP, YOU CAN’T STOP, YOU CAN’T STOP.
Obsessive Compulsive Behavior is a form of addiction, and so is staying in an abusive marriage.
Love Addiction is an unrecognized and unrealized desire for personal affection, and craving affection is what makes you, the victim, either remain with an abusive NPD, or if you managed to get away, makes you stupidly optimistic — Love-Blind. You can be so love-blinded that you go knowingly back into the horror, knowing you might never have another chance to escape, but you know it won’t be the last time you try.
Do you do this because you’re afraid you won’t have the patience to break in a new mate, or won’t want to spend the energy trolling the clubs and chatrooms looking for a replacement?
Or is it perhaps that you are so much in love that you are willing to overlook actual harm and serious damage in order to be with your abusive mate?
Addiction to Romantic Love is like sticking your finger into an electric socket, getting blown across the room with your hair all frizzed out in every direction, then placidly going over there and doing it not just once again, but again and again and again, never seeming to notice that you’re screaming in total agony.
In the first excitement of Romantic Love, you’re likely to have sex several times a day, then several times a week, then once a week, then once in a while, then none. Without sex, you don’t get the affection, so this starts to nag at you, plus your mate is sucking you dry emotionally on top of that “missing link”, the Romantic Love you got when you gave sex as a reward.
Affection? If you can somehow hold the big ox back a few minutes, and you miraculously manage to withhold sex until you get the necessary amount of affection you crave, you’re one in a million.
The key word there is “crave”. If you’re not hungry, you can’t be had.
Addiction to Romantic Love is addiction, pure & simple; it’s all about hunger, your hunger, and this hunger makes you 50% responsible for the emotional mess you’ve landed yourself in AND RETURN TO AGAIN AND AGAIN, all because you crave a little affection.
Please don’t give me the bullshit about not realizing that “harmless flirting” could lead to unwanted sex now and then.
There is no such thing as harmless flirtation.
It’s true; no matter what you claim your original intention to be, you know very well by the time you’re 14, that flirtation could just as easily end up in bed as not, and if you’re hungry for attention and affection, you’ll end up in bed a lot more than you bargained for.
Romantic Love is bullshit spun for girls by horny guys who have read a few manuals on how to pick up chicks and what girls like best about boys, and they do it because it works.
Every time, too.
And eventually, you end up in a permanent relationship with a live-in mate, and after a while you learn that your mate is kinda weird and sorta mean and repressive.
Um, gosh, you talk to a few friends and they tell you to read up on “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”, whatever the heck that is, and you do, and to your shock, you recognize your mate in that description, not just one thing, but every little detail right down to the tiniest thing.
You take it and take it and take it for years and years and years, hoping that somehow some miracle will come along and save the marriage; maybe a marriage counselor can help???
The marriage counselor immediately recognizes that you are in relationship with an NPD. Gosh, what a horrible position to be in, having to tell someone that their mate is incurable.
But they typically don’t tell you anything of the sort. They come up with the pre-stamped formula for fixing all marriages and that’s what they’re selling, period. They have no real solution, just marketing some psych professor’s new improved plan for perfection.
Okay, so you go online, and to your abject horror, you discover that, without a single doubt, your mate is an NPD. You research it and find that everyone says the same thing; you can’t reform an NPD, you can’t change an NPD and eventually the NPD will drain you of all your blood and move on to the next victim, anyway, so what are you thinking???
You decide to make the break. You resolve to go to a divorce lawyer and get the hell out from under.
Then you cancel the appointment.
Time passes. More transgressions, more revelations, more sexual escapades for your errant partner, all to feed that ego, serve that massive need for reinforcement and approval, and you’re paying for all this, don’t forget; usually the victim pays the rent, food bills, payments, taxes, the works.
The NPD relaxes at home while the victim works, and works hard, to bring home the pay so the NPD can have things, special things, wonderful things, that make the NPD nice, even affectionate, from time to time, a welcome respite.
So why, once you are free from it, would you find yourself crawling back to the NPD mate, back into a failed and obviously miserable relationship with a perfectly rotten creep?
Again, the answer is super-easy. Maybe you’re just egoistic enough to think that you can fix it, when thousands of psychologists have told you that you can’t. There’s always just enough Disney in you to believe in a miracle, to have faith in your partner, to trust your partner, but you know that the story you were told and the explanation and rationalization that were offered as justification for unspeakable acts is all really a bunch of NPD bullshit, because you’ve now read dozens of articles on the subject and are starting to believe the enormous weight of evidence that things will never change, that the only answer is to get out of it, period, and take the consequences.
You’ll have the idea that the consequences of breaking up are worse than staying together, because the underlying fantasy is that the Prince & Princess will live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, every time you cancel a lawyer appointment, you make yourself weaker and less and less able to make the leap of faith into the unknown. It’s fear that keeps you there, but within yourself is a fearless nature; you just have to connect with it to get the power to make your move.
So…why are you with anyone at all?
There’s a dumb question, if ever there was one. You have to be. Your mom and dad say so, your sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends and work-mates all say so.
If you’re with someone, it means you’re no longer single, no longer a danger and a threat to your girlfriends. Pardon me while I laugh.
How did you get into this mess in the first place?
Let’s examine the situation; you wanted to cuddle and get affection, and you thought it would be harmless, just some lovemaking fun, but your partner insists on sex, right now. You thought you could stop anytime, but your mate or date says that you’ve gone too far to stop now.
Okay, time passes. Now you have one, maybe two babies from this mess. You naturally worry that they’ll be ripped apart by a divorce or permanent breakup.
I wonder if you’ve ever seen a kid who was the result of an NPD relationship that stayed together to the end? It’s not a pretty sight, and therapists make large fortunes treating them and helping them cope with it, such as they may.
You have low self-esteem, so naturally you are embarrassingly grateful when someone, especially someone good-looking and charming, is willing to make love to you, which may or may not include petting and cuddling as a sort of “let’s drift into it without knowing how we ended up in bed together” opening to the relationship, such as it is.
So there’s yet one more basis for personal addiction to an NPD.
Then there’s the game itself, the arguments, the recriminations, the accusations, the making up and lovemaking and more terrible discoveries and more accusations and counter-accusations and worry and misery and tears and sadness.
All that drama makes you feel SO REAL, doesn’t it???
Dare I say, “schmuck”??? It not only means “stupid”, it also means “penis”, a rather pedestrian brand of penis at that.
Many women have a pet penis.
They’re not hard to take care of. You just leave them at home when you go to work.
You’ll have to overlook the fact that they’ll be slightly messy when you return and take off your work gear, because your loving partner has been screwing all day while you’re at work, and actually, that’s part of the charm & attraction for you and for your partner, having secret sex partners and someday being discovered at it.
What else causes the Addiction to Love?
Clearly, the NEED for love. Everyone needs love, and this is what the NPD takes full advantage of, your need for love and affection, all perfectly normal, no reason you should have to give it up for Lent.
But what kind of Love?
Is it Sado-Masochism you’re interested in? If so, keep with the NPD relationship, because it is officially a type of S&M situation, as all the textbooks would have it. Who would have thought that you’d end up a BDSM victim???
Yeah, but you might be addicted to the pain.
If so, it’s remediable, but you have to outgrow your need for pain, and without a spiritual life to substitute for the Brute World Life you’ve been living for so many years, it would be impossible.
You have to have a Love Life. Everything demands it, from nature to your neighbors, everyone must have a love life.
So why not make it a Spiritual Love Life?
Again, an easy question. No reason why not. All you need to do is find out exactly how you can spiritualize your life right now, today, and the answer for that is, again, very easy.
You have to outgrow whatever addictions are currently standing in your way.
Addiction to Romantic Animal Love in exchange for Higher Spiritual Love is an early and easy sacrifice.
Later, you’ll be asked to give up your addiction to Organic Life, your addiction to Planet Urth, and at some point, you’ll be asked to step off the wheel and give up your addiction to the whole Einsteinian Universe, and if you can’t give up romantic animal love for spiritual love, you won’t do well with the universe thing, either.
You want Love? Find it in yourself before you go looking elsewhere.
See You At The Top!!!
gorby