If you made yourself watch the VP Debate last night, you’ll know what I mean when I say that the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head and kept landing on it and dancing on his ever-thinning hair was the most exciting and informative part of the show, and I do mean “show”.
It was comical to see both candidates trying not to answer the toughies while attacking full-on and dodging oncoming slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, to coin a phrase.
Most folks have no way of knowing this, but Trixie Drosphilia, Mike Pence’s famous dancing fly is a personal friend and, as a matter of fact, I was her personal dance trainer for the film “Flies In My Soup”, which featured Harry the Termite and his band of renown.
I did some of the choreography for these first trial balloon videos for youtube featuring Trixie, who can dance ballet, concert-modern, flamenco and just about every modern dance you can name.
I’m up on all the latest dances, even hippity-hop. Yessir, you won’t catch me napping in the dance department.
I’ve even got her trained to perform ancient ritual sacred dances, which I’ll be posting soon enough, believe me. I’m braced for the complaints already, and I’m quite prepared to toss out any ballots I don’t like.
Oh, no, sorry, that’s not me talking there — for a moment, I started to channel Donald Trump — actually, the ghost of Donald Trump through a spiritual channel to which I never subscribed.
I don’t know how I got on their spam list, but there it is in a nutshell — I have dozens of FAXL albums and nobody to whom to send them — are you interested in geezer band music?
So, like I said in the virtual Ashram, I have about a hundred different avatar suits which happen to include several insects, one of which is a giant fly, and that’s the costume I wear for the dance videos.
I control the choreography with buttons onscreen — you can put them across the bottom, top or side of the screen — and can turn them on, off, blend them for real-time dances, or combine them in my Open-Shot Video Editor later on, timing my moves to the music of course.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vWMq9hDEwY
The real secret of Walt Disney’s success was that he timed the animation to the music, very precisely, beat for beat, keeping a visual rhythm to match the musical beat.
Do the same with your dancing fly videos, and you will be richly rewarded.
Oh, not in views — don’t count on your video going as viral as mine are going to go — it’s all about timing and luck and in this one case, bribery of a certain Archangel who’s an easy mark for a Mars Bar from Planet Earth — they’re rare Up There.
You probably already know the situation regarding Nova Scotia Belly Lox — you just can’t get it in the Steambath, and nobody — not even Gottlieb — knows why.
So I put on the fly suit and voila! I am the fly!
I can dance, I can sing, I can play the guitar, piano, sax, bass, vibraphone — you name it, if I have it in my inventory and it’s a mesh item, I can play it, and the band can swing!
Yeah, man, go, cat, go!
What I mean is, translated into modern terms, “ikr” — I know, right?
Well, do I?
How can you tell? What if the people you ask are as stupid or ignorant as you are? How would you know? If you found a misspelled word in Webster’s Dictionary, how could you tell?
Never mind how — whom could you tell?
Well, I’ve been temporizing the past half hour, waiting for my fourth video to complete its upload onto youtube.
All of the Mike Pence’s Dancing Fly videos I made last night are intended for inclusion — if I may use the word in a profoundly Gilligan’s Island culture — in this blog.
Yes, blog. I write all my books from blogs, don’t you?
Don’t give me a hard time. I also read these into my zoom meetings and use the resulting audio track for my podcasts, or rather, that’s what I intend to do, once I have it all figured out, which I don’t, yet, so don’t bug me about it.
Well, go ahead and bug me about it, otherwise I’ll never get around to it, whatever it was we were talking about just now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9Qvb-NEqpo
Gosh, when I do the fly dances, everything seems to floop out. What I mean is, the brain is not engaged in human thoughts and intricacies.
It’s more about what’s smaller than you and moving, and what’s bigger than you that’s moving.
Sometimes, when you feel the urge to mate, I suppose you’d look for moving things that are the same size as you — maybe the same shape, color, smell and arrangement of limbs, if any.
Wings are important to a fly.
If you had been hatched a fly, you’d be very involved in your wings. You wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to them, especially when you’re trying to land upside-down on the ceiling, or on the hair on the head of a former talk-show host turned Vice-President.
If he can ignore a Pandemic, he can surely ignore a teensy-weensy little fly like Trixie, and you’ll notice that he does ignore her — he doesn’t move a muscle, just like Norman Bates at the very end of the movie, “Psycho”, when his dead mother says, through his lips, “I don’t know why they have me locked up in here.” (Fly Lands on Forehead, about which BATES does nothing), “See? I’m just sitting here. I wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Then, of course, there’s Vincent Price’s fly, and Princess Diana’s fly, and the fly in the soup of the duck, but that’s not important right now.
What is important is the reputation of Mike Pence’s Dancing Fly, and only YOU can make this happen — but how?
Post it, repost it, share it, compare it, read it aloud at the bedside of the dying, and get on the air with it somehow.
Feed it to all the bloggers you know. Shout it from the rooftops. Well, maybe not the rooftops — how about the stoop?
Mike Pence will be so pleased you helped Trixie get her own show, instead of being one of the supporting cast of Mike Pence’s Touring Sideshow.
Well, that’s all the stuff I have prepared for this morning.
See You At The Top!!!
gorby