What Caused the Disappearance of Christianity Back in the 21st Century???

WHAT CAUSED THE SUDDEN AND UNEXPLAINED DISAPPEARANCE OF CHRISTIANITY IN THE 21st CENTURY?

Aren’t you the least bit curious? Have you ever wondered what caused Christianity to suddenly vanish sometime in the middle of the 21st century, never to reappear, at least as far as the 37th century?

If not, it’s because YOU CAN’T REMEMBER, not because you weren’t there. THIS IS A TIME TRIP, REMEMBER??? Ah, but it’s hard to wake up IN THE DREAM, isn’t it???

As a seasoned time-traveler, although I probably haven’t taken as many ill-considered rebirths as you have, I’ve often considered taking rebirth around 1941 or so, and observing life in the late 20th and early 21st centuries, to find out what really happened to Christianity.

Not the Christians. They didn’t vanish. The Church of Christianity did. The Christians remained for quite some time after the collapse of The Christian Church, first in Amerika, then after a short time, it went down worldwide.

My first thought was, maybe the Rapture??? They’d been expecting it.

I checked my stats for Heaven/Population/Christians/Rapture — but there were evidently no more Christians coming through the Between-Lives State than the usual upflow, about six billion an hour.

Don’t forget, there are 300 BILLION Earth type planets out there in THIS UNIVERSE ALONE, and life-bearing doesn’t just follow that narrow path, AND there are billions upon billions of parallel worlds on which people and other creatures, lots of them, die every day.

One planetful of humanoids doesn’t make much of a crunch when it goes up in smoke. The idea that a planet’s demolition would cause much of a disturbance in The Force is absurd, to say the least, but go try to tell that to Steve Spielberg.

He never let his technical advisors tell him he couldn’t do something. If he wanted sound in space, he got it.

I also checked — and double-checked — the time-stats up through my own time-frame back  in the 37th century and, from what I could glean out of the miserable patchy and sketchy surviving records of Western Civilization, there hasn’t been a Rapture yet, and if there is one sometime up ahead in the far-distant future, there won’t be any Christians around to take advantage of it.

There are billions of billions of creatures being born and dying every single moment of every single day, and you can’t possibly expect me or anyone else to keep track of every mother that ever got born or hatched or fissioned, but I checked ALL the Akashic Records, which you can easily do yourself to check my figures — and no Rapture, at least not on THIS LifeStream.

So if it wasn’t the Rapture, what the heck was it?

As you are only too well aware, we knew nothing back home in the 37th century about the Christians, except that they were around for a couple of thousand years, and then, all of a sudden, without any indication of exactly why and how it happened, there was a total absence of Christianity that occurred sometime in the EARLY PART OR MIDDLE OF the 21st century, into which I’ve penetrated, using nothing but a student visa and a note from my teacher.

As a time-travelling student, I’m on “Extraterrestrial Student” status with the Franklin D. Roosevelt Administration, the Truman Administration, the Eisenhower White House and the Kennedy Administration.

I’m also on good personal terms with the Clintons — I used to send them truffles — and with President Barack Obama, but a fat lot of good it does me now, with a madman in control of what is swiftly becoming a Police State.

I have photos of myself in the White House during 7 administrations, but not this one. I’m not ABOUT to present myself at a White House that wants to DEPORT ALL ALIENS.

I suppose they’d leave me alone, if I came to 21st century Earth as a cat, but then, typing with the paws, it’s awfully hard to take good notes.

What if they want to send ME back?

Wait a minute. If they do, they might be willing to reassemble my scoutcraft and return it to me….what the hell am I saying? I keep forgetting how utterly TREACHEROUS human beings tend to be — particularly the uncivilized ones, like the Amerikans.

They would never let me rebuild it and escape to bring my fleet down upon them. I have no fleet, and told them so, but naturally, because they lie, they assumed I was lying, and they can’t or won’t use their telepathic powers to check my story.

I’m a Time-Traveler from Up Yonder.

Time travel is easy for us back in the 37th century, because we have tons of Unobtainium with which to power our temporal devices.

Just kidding. I don’t even know what “Unobtainium” is. I just used it for the gag.

Obviously I’m actually using, as you suspected all along, the same old ACME Time Tripper 101 that we all used in the History Lab at “More-Science High”, back in the 37th century.

As you’re only too well aware, Time Travel is Basic Physics, just as rising from the dead, casting out lepers and healing the sick is really Basic Med, back home.

We have no surviving records or texts from the 20th or 21st centuries except a full re-issue boxed set of MAD Comics and one volume of PANIC, but there WAS an oral tradition, kept alive among survivors for centuries after the BIG WAR and the REALLY BIG WAR, and the REALLY REALLY BIG BIG BIG WAR, the exact details of which are lost to 37th century history.

You’ll see all that outlined in detail in my class notes, entitled “SlimeWars”, outlining what I know and remember from the Earth Simulation History Records — the actual history, not what the textbooks say or what the fiction writers make up as they go along.

So that’s what I meant when I said, “I’m here to see a bomber.”

What I mean by this is, “What the fuck happened to all those Christians?” From the 22nd century on, there’s no TRACE of Christians anywhere on Planet Earth? But WHY???

I never knew, nor did anyone I knew back home in the 37th century, and none of the textbooks had any better information than we did.

I have bets up in our office pool, but we need a definitive ANSWER, so we can either collect our bets or pay up, and that’s why I’m here, in this horrid, dreadful time-space you call 21st century Earth, to get answers to that obscure question.

I’m the first, apparently, to ever take an interest, but I needed a subject for my Term Paper, and that was my first inspiration, so here I am on planet Earth!!!

God, what a dump!

I know Bette Davis will excuse my use of her famous line. It IS a dump, in the Objective Sense of the word.

So here I am in the first part of the 21st century, and I’m supposed to find out WHY the Christians suddenly vanished off the face of the Earth and bring that information back to the 37th century in the form of a completed Term Paper.

Right up until now, there’s no dearth of Christians — they’re everywhere.

But then, WHAM!

No trace of them in ANY civilization from the middle of the 21st century, right on through the ages up until my time, in the 37th century!!!

But if it wasn’t the Rapture, what could possibly have happened to them???

Pity — they’re just gone, just plain gone.

I rather LIKE Christianity, and the occasional somewhat forgiving Christian.

I always liked Christmas and Easter. Back in the day, there was no Chanukah — the Jewish kids stayed in school through the holidays and no, I’m not kidding, and it wasn’t all that long ago and yes, the Hindu, Buddhist and Muslims got no vacation, either.

It’s going to be that way again, soon.

It was a devastating blow for me to find out, at the age of 11, that Christmas and Easter were fucking RELIGIOUS holidays!!!

Not only religious, but Christian in particular.

It’s easy to see that it’s Christian when it’s Christmas — the yule log, the ornamented and decorated tree, the stockings hanging on the mantel, the fruitcake and the hot brandy, all bespeak a time when Christians ruled the Earth.

And on Easter, all those Christian symbols, such as the rabbit, the egg and the chocolate bunnies, all signifying the Christian mythology and Christian social ethics. Religious holidays, indeed.

How dumb is THAT???

I find myself wondering why the ROMANS are the chief Christians — why is ROME the center of Christianity? Um, didn’t the Romans have anyt kill Jesus on the cross?

Oh, no, I forgot, it was the JEWS who killed Jesus, who was the very First Christian, didn’t you know?

You would never have heard of Christ or Christianity, had not Saul of Tarsus had an epileptic seizure out in the desert. By the time the fit was over, Saul had come to realize that, although the original guy was now long-dead, HE WAS THE APOSTLE PAUL!

Okay, he goes to Rome, tells the Romans “You don’t have to practice Judaism to worship Jesus!”

Hey, even THEN, you’d never had heard his name had not Constantine seen a cross-shaped cloud the evening before an important battle, after having been worked on about Jesus by his wife, a former street hooker.

Right after that, Constantine declared Christianity the official state religion throughout the entire Roman Empire, making his wife momentarily happy, right up until her execution for having an affair with Constantine’s son Crispus.

Gosh, does EVERY tyrant end up with a former street hooker for a wife? Where does that leave Melania?

From what I saw at the time, here’s the scoop on what really happened:

Crispus was Constantine’s favorite son, by another mawwiage. Fausta, Constantine’s wife, was afraid that Crispus would be favored over her sons for the throne, so she told Constantine that Crispus had tried to rape her, but that she had resisted.

So Constantine had his beloved son executed.

Then about a week later, he heard the truth, and ordered Fausta drowned in an overheated bath, a relatively painless way to die, I’m told by those who tried it.

Fausta didn’t have a clue that Christianity had originally been a Jewish Doomsday Cult. She wouldn’t have cared. She was a total convert.

I guess it would do no good to mention that Jesus was a Jew, and that in fact he was a very strict Jew who kept kosher, kept the Sabbath and as I recall, kept a few mistresses on the side. He also wore a dress, like many priests and other Catholic Church officials.

The Pope likes purple hats.

My friend Jesus was a good Jewish boy who wanted to reform JUDAISM, not start a crazy DOOMSDAY CULT which invites practitioners to eat his body and drink his blood and worship the machine of his death, the crucifix, a common Roman remedy for Jewish insurgents like Jesus.

Jesus would never have passed a gold plate around the room, looking for donations. Jesus was a very, very CONSERVATIVE Jew in the original sense, meaning strict and lawful according to the Covenant, and annoyed that many Jews had strayed from the Orthodox Path.

That was Jesus’ mission — to reform the corrupted form of 1st century Judaism.

That’s why Jesus went after the money-changers — not money LENDERS, as you have been so ignorantly and deliberately taught to think. He didn’t object to them being there, he was protesting against Caesar’s Ten-Commandment-Breaking COINS, with the Emperor’s FACE showing up on the front. Such things with Graven Images were forbidden, quite rightly, in the Holy Temple.

Hence, Jewish coinage was used — nothing else was permitted into the Shrine area.

Don’t you guys know ANYTHING about this stuff? What survived is hardly a hundredth of the story, because the goons ALWAYS burn the library at Alexandria and everywhere else.

The Neanderthals HATE the smarter chimps.

They burn their books and flatten their museums and libraries.

(Picture John Wayne grabbing your collar and lifting you up a few inches, face-to-face) Listen up, Pilgrim, and listen good.

“If Jesus landed here and walked around Trump Amerika with his robe, long beard, long hair and Jewish nose, he’d be lynched by a mob of White Christians!”

He’d be turned away as an Arab-looking hook-nosed, barefoot, cross-dressing, whore-loving, rabble-rousing street bum, at every church in town!

If he were in a Catholic town, he’d be excommunicated.

Walking around a Southern town, Jesus would be lynched.

If Jesus encountered a Jew in Far Rockaway, he’d be a welcome Shabbat Guest on Friday night.

You gotta keep guys like Jesus quiet, or they’ll stir up trouble. You want the peasants to be quiet and peaceful, not all riled up and mad.

I think that, in the end, the Christians bring it on themselves. That’s my conclusion, based on recent observations, and that’s how I’m going to conclude my Term Paper History Report.

I’m pretty sure I’m right.

Think about it. There are how many Christians in the world today?

Okay, one-third the world’s population. But how many Muslims does that leave? How many Buddhists? How many Hindus? How many blacks? How many Hispanics? How many Arabs? Indians? Pakistanis? Japanese? Germans? Russians? Chinese? Yugoslavians? South Africans? Turks? Iranians? Iraqis? Lebanese? Syrians?

Two thirds against one third, 4 billion against 2.2 billion.

Holy shit, if they ALL GANG UP ON THE CHRISTIANS, it’ll be a bloody massacre, worldwide. Of COURSE there’s no trace of Christianity, after THAT, if that’s what happens.

I think if the Christians get EVERYONE pissed off at them, they might very well paint themselves into a corner, and face a groundswell of uprising.

IS THE RISE OF THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT AN EXTINCTION EVENT?

Gosh, I sure hope not.

I figure that if it is, it’ll involve most of the humans on Earth, regardless of where they are. I expect nuclear warheads to literally rain down.

But heck-darn, that, in a nutshell, is WHY I’M HERE ON EARTH.

That’s the story I’m here to see and hear, the real story behind the scenes of whatever it was that caused the disappearance of Christianity from all of history.

I’m thinking of bringing some Christians with me back to the 37th century, but which ones? They all seem equally ignorant of their actual beliefs and church history.

But that doesn’t help me write my fucking Term Paper, does it?

Back home, there’s NO information on it at all, nothing, not a whit, not a hair. There is also only one mention of the United States of America, just one singular entry: “Mostly harmless.”. I doubt that, and intend to correct the entry as soon as I get back home to the 37th century, which I’ll be only too relieved to do, once I have my Term Paper handled.

HOW IS JESUS HANDLING ALL OF THIS?

As you probably already know, he’s largely unaware of Christianity. I TOLD you, he’s a strict, very Kosher Jew, and that’s historically supportable, so fuck off.

Besides which, I WAS THERE, and am there right now, and that’s not just a figure of speech. All of space-time is a single thing, and there is no linear time, as you think of it.

Time is just another direction of space.

I hope I didn’t give away anything, there. I never mean to, but sometimes I let something slip, and the next thing you know, an undeveloped species is rummaging about in homemade UFOs and Cigar-Shaped Starships.

Oy, if I’ve said too much, I’ll never hear the end of it when I get back home. I just KNOW those guys are laughing at me right now, chasing after a silly totally obscure item like the disappearance of Christianity.

To tell you the truth, before I got here, I was convinced it was a snark hunt and that there never had been any Christianity, but boy, was I wrong! It’s everywhere, and it’s rampant!

And also, by and large, it’s very unpleasant here in Christian White Amerika, unless you happen to be a Christian.

Well, being Christian, just plain Christian, isn’t really enough. You have to be the RIGHT KIND of Christian, and nobody is certain what brand that might be — it changes as power shifts around.

Well, I think I’ve got it nailed, at least enough for a Term Paper. If I were writing a Doctorate Thesis and preparing Defense for Same, I’d have to bring back a LOT more evidence, but at the moment, I think I see the shit coming fan-ward.

See, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this one out.

The Christians will all be in Church, waiting for the Rapture. Outside, in the sky, will appear thousands of Mother Ship UFOs, surrounding the Earth completely.

All Christians will get sucked up by the Christian Filtered Particle Beam, and they’ll ride up the Magnetic Rays into the bays of the UFOs stationed around the atmosphere.

The Greys are robots. They have no bio material on them, so they grow it. They need biological material for their clones. They spend decades and sometimes longer, cultivating the DNA and giving it lots of human bodies within which to grow and multiply.

This NANO material is then gathered by the grey aliens and is used to create a new edition, or generation, of slave bots that live virtually forever.

There is a constant need for replacement bio enzyme material, hence any planet that can be used to cultivate it is prized and often off-planet and even on-world battles will erupt between farming and mining alien species.

Wow, are YOU lucky to be here at this particular moment in time-space! You’ve arrived on Earth just in time to see a HUMAN ENZYME ALIEN HARVEST.

But why do they only take Christians?

Because they’re bred for the market, the rest of us peasants are worthless enzymatically speaking.

Just kidding, they’re DNA whores — they’ll take anyone in a pinch. It’s just that the Christians all vibrate on the same frequency — it’s usually the number of the local Christian AM radio broadcast station, somewhere near the middle of the dial.

Everyone on a similar frequency makes it easy to scan and pull them up with the Tractor Beam, which is how it’s done.

I’ve seen these harvests a million times, and it never fails to fascinate me, to see millions and even billions of bodies floating up into the sky and into the bellies of those big alien spacecraft.

They’ll never listen to Linda Moulton Howe’s warnings in time!!! Haw, haw, haw! I can’t wait!

Here’s hoping that you can avoid the crunch when it comes!

See You At The Top!!!

gorby

 

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