Diablo II Type Items for Real Life Gaming

Do whatever you want here, but in the Afterlife, you answer directly to the Judge.

Every single death that results from the political swindle being carried on in Washington at this very moment will have Karmic consequences, compounded by numbers. There will be more than 61 million deaths in all from the Coming Unpleasantness.

Meanwhile, I’m exactly the right age — nearly 76 years out of port and headed for home — to say “fuck it” and ignore the whole mess, except for its more humorous aspects. There’s nothing really threatening there for YOU, if you stay with the Pack Of Green, and a powerful addition to your magical actions can be realized by the auspicious and judicious use of applications, meaning ACCESSORIZE!

RLRPGs are here to stay — it’s what you call “the universe” and if you’ve ever tried to Not Be Here Now, it’s awfully hard to ignore.

Here are just a few of the new products I’m now able to deliver, thanks to a variety of providers, including Cafe Press, PAOM, Redbubble and now, Zazzle. Wanna sneak preview of my catalog?

High Rise “Mercury Boots” give speed, dexterity & balance.

Pretty neat, eh? I’ll bet you never thought you’d be able to equip as you do in Diablo II, but now you certainly can, and I’ll be only too happy to help you do it! Power Up, get your loins girded for the Coming Conflagration Zombie Apocalypse, meaning a riot with a mob of Right-Wing Extremists, and there are plenty of them out there, along with an equally insane number of Left-Wing Extremists, both looking to bash each other’s heads in, rather than learn to work together, haw, haw, haw!!!

That’s how they’re built.

Don’t be looking for remorse or conscience or shame — those are extras that I can’t be expected to pack into every model of human that walks the face of the Earth. You’ll have to be content with girding up, armoring up and lawyering up, if you’re a White House staffer, haw, haw, haw!!!

Trans-Dimensional Belt gives protection, safe passage, right action & more.

There are only so many directions you can go, and only one of them at once, unless you have one of my Trans-Dimensional Belts on, which gives you slippy-slidey, allowing you to ease yourself in-between savage organic events as a biker slithers between the cars in rush-hour traffic.

Unmask the Sim with Penetro Glasses!

Not only will you see in more than three dimensions, you can see right through most things — this is a powerful noclip item, that can really set you free. Reference “They Live” for instructions on how to use these! You can read about my friend Dr. Bronner in our magazine, “Wings”, or see the article posted on the internet, perhaps.

Gold watch with gold flake illio provides magic find and prosperity.

There isn’t any better way to attract wealth than with wealth — it takes money to make money, as they say — this money magnet might bring actual gold, in which case, it’s working exactly as it should. Don’t pick up coins on the ground, SELL ARMOR, which might mean opening a boutique featuring my Otherworldly Fashions.

Absolutely everything you’d find in Diablo II is available for Real Life Gaming.

This tie is actually so damn nice I’d have worn it into work at Hammacher-Schlemmer, and I’ll tell you what — most MODERN ART museums would go nuts over this tie, inspired by the mobiles and stabiles of Alexander Calder.

Dark Passages are a breeze with this TimeTripper Slippy-Doodle Watch!

Well, I’ve been at it all night — I have hundreds of items ready for you, and I’ll be posting them on my blog in order to get them into my printed catalog — which is the real secret of how I’m doing this gig.

It’s not enough to sell online. You can’t move enough product to stay alive, and stayin’ alive is what this trip is all about, notwithstanding the hassles of the miserable and dangerous political pre-war climate.

Never you mind about the millions of dead and the emergency rationing. Put on the kettle, and we’ll have a nice cup of boilin’ hot water. Here’s one more for luck:

Passport Case might come in very handy, if they start rounding up the “liberals”.

Sure, the political climate is very harsh and very frightening. All the more you should be happy, because it will drive you over the top and into the Higher Dimensions. There’s only one way out of here, and that’s to earn the Merit, and that means helping others and being open and honest, ethical and brave.

You won’t find many Acts of Courage in Congress this year, you can bet it on the horses!

See You At The Top!!!