Tag Archives: comedy

Take America Back!

Goddess Power — Take America Back!!! Use your spellcrafting, not your pitchfork!
Just in case you think there’s a chance that the United States will pull out of this slump, that people will rise up and take back their country, get used to disappointment. There is no courage in Washington, which is what made it into such a dump that an idiot could get elected to “fix” it, which can’t happen as long as assholes are in charge, and they are.
Don’t sucker into the marches. Don’t take up pitchfork & torch. No need to take to the streets — those who are hip to spell-casting know a better way, a quieter way, an invisible and subtle way.

Trump is thoroughly committed to the course of nuclear war. He lives on the Dark Side all the time. Even though he’s the President and has access to any information he wants, he still believes that the astronauts live in the NBC studios in Burbank, that the moon is hollow, and the Earth is flat.

He is in fact a “Flat-Earther”, which rhymes with “Birther”.

Nuclear weapons are so tempting. Those nukes are toys that Trump — who lives at the mental and emotional age of about three —  just can’t resist playing with, and NOKO is an easy target — just some tiny country near China, no problem, nuke them out of existence, and they won’t bother anybody again.

Of course this only makes sense to an under-achieving loser like Trump. Continue reading

Free Trump Comedy Roast!!!

VGA Open 1st Hole par 3. The “19th Hole” Pro Shop is visible on the horizon.

CLICK HERE TO SEE VGA TOUR ITEMS

Here’s a FREE comedy roast I put together just for you. It will help with the pain, believe me. Laughter is the Best Medicine, so they say. That’s fortunate, because it’s the only medical procedure covered by my current healthcare plan. I kept the gags pretty tame — I have the ability to make slashingly biting comments, but choose not to go there.

Keep in mind that you’re gonna have to use these gags really soon. Trump won’t last the year, I’m guessing, so book your comedy gigs early and work up an act featuring Pence, or you won’t be working standup comedy gigs next year, is my prediction.

Today, Trump. Tomorrow, Steve “Suckass” Bannon — he’s a private citizen now, so we can truly go to town on him! He thinks HE has weapons in the keyboard? What a maroon. He never came up against me, or anything remotely like me, but he’s in my radar now.

In the Bardos, he’s hamburger. Without further ado, here is the FREE comedy routine, which took me the better part of two days to whittle down to this size.

Continue reading

Accessorizing for the Hell World

Make an annoying video or videogame ridiculing Trump, that’ll set you free!!!

You’re here in the Hell World and I can prove it in two words: Donald Trump. Sure, everybody on the street and in the workplace make fun of him — he is funny, looks funny, acts funny and his blustery aggression just makes it funnier.

No wonder he becomes a Person of Ridicule as the years pass. Back in the 37th century, which means “just outside the SIM”, we have records of phrases from the 21st century, one of which is “Don’t Be A Trump!” and “Hey, don’t Trump me, Bro!”.

I came here to find out about those expressions as part of my Term Paper for history class, which is who is in this SIM besides me — there are 35 other class members in here, making it very, very crowded.

There are 7.2 billion humans on Planet Earth right now, but that’s being handled.

Never you mind about that. You must learn to IGNORE WASHINGTON, ignore North Korea, ignore Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, UAR, all the countries that act up and sound fierce.

You probably don’t know what to do in the face of it — you’re suddenly on the “wanted” list, like someone whose palm-gem has suddenly turned red long before Last-Day and Carousel. Continue reading

Grab a Guitar & Join the War!!!

LeslieAnn ripping into Trump at a recent comedy performance in Reno.

Feeling helpless? Is Trump too much in your face all the time? Are you sick of hearing his voice and seeing his stupid wig flapping around in the breeze? Do you wish you had a photo of the bald Donald Trump to post on your facebook page?

Well, despair no longer, bunkie. Your days of frustration are over, and Donald Trump’s are just beginning. The Power of Song is greater than you think. It’s more than reason, more than persuasion, much more than mere influence.

Song is the basis of shamanic magic, did you know that?

In ALL spiritual practices, song is used to convey prayer, to build thought-forms, to open portals, gateways, doorways and StarGates.

Sound has power, but you already knew that. Okay, so how to harness it for a specific purpose?

Well, first, you have to have a purpose, and that means some sort of target effect, so you can measure your success. There can be no greater purpose than to regain your country and your freedoms and to help others who are too helpless to help themselves do this by teaching them HOW TO RESIST TYRANNY. Continue reading

Comedy Gag Elements for a Presidential Comedy Routine

 

PRESIDENTIAL COMEDY ROUTINE

Do you feel like punching Donald Trump right in his bulbous red nose? You wouldn’t be alone, but it’d be a big mistake to let that rage take you over. That’s exactly what Donald Trump wants, is your permanent rage, because that means you’re giving him the attention he needs and craves and must have every minute of every day.

How would you like to convert that rage and frustration into something good and peaceful and contributory and gentle and kind and loving and wonderful and beneficial to all beings everywhere?

That’s exactly the point of the Spiritual Technology which I used to call “CONVERSION”,  the fundamental basis for a system I once called “Anger Management”, given in the form of workshops in 1964 and 1965. I don’t use the term anymore, because it was popularized and turned into a money machine and I want no part of that action, thank you very much.

Conversion is the plan. Sure, you feel lousy and miserable, and befouled and angry and frustrated and annoyed and fearful and distrustful. These must be converted solidly into positive energy, and the best energy beam ever made was and always will be “Waves of Enlightenment”.

They act like waves, so the subject is more or less continually beaten on the head to wake up and see the Light — in short, “Get fucking Enlightened NOW!”

You start with the lower emotions and sensations, of course. It always starts with something small.

Anger, rage, frustration.

But wait!!! Those are the very same symptoms felt all day and all night by Donald Trump! How is that Possible? He’s a multibillionaire and has anything and anyone he wants in his pocket, bedroom or twitter account, or so it would seem.

As a Remote Reader, I know the truth. He’s actually in debt up to his eyeballs, and is under the power of those who give him bailout money to keep his financial empire from going under, which it has nearly done several dozen times in a row. Continue reading

Stop the World, I Want to Get Off??? NO!!! Bust the Heads of the Bullies, and Stick Around!!!

BACKSTORY FOR “EXECUTIVE ORDER #1”, a comedic satire film parody.

By now our femme superhero Waxonn Waxoff realizes that Trumplestilskin the Conqueror cannot be stopped, that his policies will surely lead not only to war with other nations, but to war within the boundaries of her native land, Annunakkia, and it’s not just a single war, with a single purpose and two adversaries face-to-face, but a multiplicity of wars all going on at the same time, like World War I and the Russian Revolution and The Jewish Problem.

Waxoff finds herself in the midst of a race war, a religious war, a war of territory, a war of attrition and a war of total revenge, when the population finally catches up with the surviving leaders, and then, to top it all off, the Ancient Alien Invaders destroy what’s left of human cities and centers of commerce and industry.

In short, they lay waste to the land, but after the Evil Avatar Trumplestilskin gets through with it, there’s little left to crush into rubble.

Trumplestilskin himself is never personally at risk. His minions take care of everything. They defend him and destroy his enemies, for which they are well-paid.

His only concerns are a fear of the dark, a fear of being alone, and a deep, insatiable craving for attention by any means necessary. Continue reading

How To Practice Psychic Self-Defense in a World Gone Mad

Psychic Self-Defense has three distinct meanings:

  • It’s the only means for escape from suffering or expression of pain that you have left to you as a peasant.
  • It deals with spiritual energies only, well outside the realm of the physical world.
  • It’s the only revenge you will ever have.

As Inigo Montoya so eloquently said: “There’s no money in revenge.” Revenge is stupid, pointless and empty, because you’re fighting against a mechanical machine with no heart, no mind, no soul. What’s wanted is not revenge, but protection. Are you scared to death to bring up the Trump subject for fear of violence??? Okay, let’s talk, and listen up good, pilgrim:

I swear by all that’s Holy that I have no personal interest in Trump.

He’s a handy in-your-face-right-now character that readily serves as an example of a psycho-emotional organic world irritant that could intrude on your inner world and peaceful home, on a psychic or spiritual level, and my intent here is to demonstrate how to set up a line of Psychic Self-Defense for yourself, your family, your home, your business and your personal freedoms. About your stocks and bonds I can do nothing.

I’ll be sharing secrets that have never been revealed in modern times. These are the Methods and Secrets of the Ancients, and in spite of the fact that I’ll undoubtedly be sparking off the morons who voted for Trump, I’m NOT against Trump — as a matter of fact, he’s doing me a favor, and I’ll gladly explain why, as we go through this little exercise.

By the way, Trump is horrifically superstitious, which will probably come as no surprise to anyone. Besides being an NPD, he’s also a hyper-charged up OCD, which has to get really sticky for anyone unfortunate enough to serve on his staff or be on his payroll in any capacity.

Even David Lo Pan had to make a living somehow. He had his Wing Kong, I have my angelic hordes, so just leave Jack Burton alone, okay?

Because the Toupee of the Year is SO in our faces, I’ll be using The Trump Avatar as an example of someone who initiates and sets off psychic-level attacks, whether upon you intentionally and personally or as a member of a whole class of folks under said psychic attack.

It’s probably too late to mention it to the bots who rage-quit on the previous paragraphs, but I want to point out that, had Hillary won the election, I’d be after her as well, if the media frenzy were as great, this far away from the election results. Christ almighty, the problem with Trump is not his politics, although they are nutty and will soon be reversed or erased — don’t forget, I’ve seen it all a million times before.

Like I said, it’s not Trump’s politics, it’s his Narcissistic Personality Disorder — a matter of public record — that creates an incessant need for attention, and a willingness to use shock and rage to get it.

That’s why he negotiates with foreign powers ON TWITTER in full public view — he needs the attention and craves acceptance — and yes, he is a Twitter Addict, among other mental ailments and weaknesses, some of which have already been exploited by his playmate, Vladimir Potemkin, some of which haven’t shown up in the public radar yet, but they will, Frodo, they will.

I treated myself in the above paragraph to what amounts to a 100 year old joke, so old a chestnut that you’ve probably heard it a thousand times before.

Putin — Potemkin, get it???

Potemkin was the name of a Russian battleship. See, it was during the Russian Revolution — the first one, I mean — or was it the second??? Oh, forget it — it is all so complicated.

All I remember from my lessons back in the 37th century is that there were a LOT of wars back in this time period, a LOT of wars. As a gamer and game programmer, I can’t help but feel just a little responsible for all the wars, since I wrote the Back Story on this level.

Would a sincere “I’m sorry” be any compensation for all the misery and suffering of humanity throughout those wars? Well, the Great Mother sends her best, which is, of course, YOU.

Whether you like Trump, hate Trump, or are completely indifferent to the whole scene, as I am, you’re inundated on an hourly basis, even minute-to-minute, with Trump’s latest outrages and wild zany antics in the media and elsewhere, meaning supermarkets, restrooms and Born-Again Frozen Yogurt Youth Centers, where the conversation reflects little else.

He’s restless and anxious, and he needs YOUR attention, and one way to get that is to make you angry, and that’s easy to arrange, and it’s something he does very well indeed — he has almost complete control of the media in a sort of knee-jerk reflex way.

If you don’t care about the politics — as I surely don’t, having seen all this go down a million times before — you still suffer the media effects on the general population, which currently includes you, like it or not, and he’s aroused a very dangerous and violent segment of the population to help him get to power.

Problem there is, that segment of the population now has the authority and “right” to seek YOU out, and destroy you and your family, should you question Trump or his policies, or be an unfortunate member of the race, religion or political affiliations he has decided to set his dogs — that’d be you, if you’re a Pro-Lifer, on you and your family and friends. Continue reading

The Word-Processor is Mightier Than the Particle Accelerator

I got one vote in the recent election, but there was massive voter fraud.

I remember Woodie Guthrie’s guitar. It was emblazoned with a clumsy handpainted scrawl that said “this guitar kills fascists”. There’s a video, “Power of Song”, in which Pete Seeger shows how to bring about change, real change, by empowering the people.

I can’t say whether there was voter fraud in the last election — I think it might very well be the last — but I can say with certainty that no one has even considered counting the VOODOO VOTE. Voodoo practitioners are uncounted — just try to take a survey and see what happens to you.

By my rough estimate, there are approximately 259 MILLION people out there who have their backs up against the wall, facing forced exile from friends, family and supportive jobs, which means, there goes the rest of the family right with them.

Have you ever found yourself wondering what to do in order to protect yourself, your family, your home, your business, your social security, your medical benefits and coverage and your personal freedoms FROM YOUR OWN FUCKING PRESIDENT???

Okay, so what’s that got to do with anything?

Well, I’ll tell you. People feel helpless. Just helpless. They’re faced with the biggest, richest bully they’ve ever seen in their lives, and he has banker friends who can help him finance his own “Blackwater” private army if he takes it into his mangled head to overthrow himself, as Nero and Caligula did Back in The Day.

Magic, both black and white, is always popular among the poor and disenfranchised, because what else have you got, to give you enough hope to carry on? All ordinary avenues of expression and family and home and job protection is unavailable to you — you’re just a working stiff, with no real voice. There is no popular vote, just the machine.

The thing is, there are some highly experienced voodoo queens out there, along with a large number of wannabe Harry Potters with the Official Harry Potter Magic Wand & Sorcery Kit — which really does exist, you can find it on eBay — not to mention all the spellcasters from a wide variety of cultures and backgrounds, even off-world in a few cases.

There are sorcerers, wizards, shamans, all sorts of magic-users in this world, and there’s no reason to suppose that they won’t use it, when deprived of a voting voice by the Electoral College, whatever the fuck THAT’S supposed to be.

My point is that they are threatened by the Trump Administration. Every weirdo in America is under direct threat from the Fourth Reich.

So, if I were the kind of magic-user that took offense and felt aggrieved and under attack from the New Washington (see SlimeWars for what this really means, forecast with names, dates and places over 45 years ago at its first publication), I’d probably use my most bizarre magical spells to protect myself and my family and friends and lifestyle and freedoms.

I wouldn’t want to see things like these on the Psychic Wizard Market:

  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL ITCHING POWDER — This works intermittently, in sporadic randomly timed unguessable and indeterminate time patterns, to make any Trump itch uncontrollably, for just a few seconds at a time.
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL WHOOPEE CUSHION — Whenever you activate this spell, all Trumps will emit an odorless, harmless fart sound from their rear end.
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL HOT-FOOT — Gives any and all Trumps the definite mental sensation of having a hot-foot administered to them. Great for parties and other public gatherings.
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL JOY-BUZZER —  When activated, this paranormal quantum effect gives Trumps the sensation of having their right palm tickled for just a second or two.
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL FLY-IN-PLASTIC-ICECUBE — Not a copy, this is the original mental fly in the plastic ice cube, made even funnier by the fact that it’s strictly mental, and no one else in the room can see it.
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN FAKE VOMIT — I’ve been asked politely to please not describe this effect in detail.
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN DOGGIE-DOO — A Plastic Poo Pyramid that emits a foul odor and a smoky, greenish haze that will fool your friends.
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN HAIRPIECE — Not a copy, this is the Real Thing. Not only is it wearable, it’s alive!
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN GORILLA MASK — Don’t just bust your seams. Now you can LOOK exactly like the Raging Gorilla that’s inside you, just bursting to get out! Have your way every time! Overwhelm! Break their shit!
  • TRUMPLESTILSKIN BRAIN TEASER — Just joking — there’s no sign of a brain.

THE PLAN Continue reading

Essence Comedy in Theory & Practice

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Comedy is a serious business. As in Magic in the Mirror, Comedy Laughs are provoked, but beneath the obvious chatter and trivial pursuits, Great Truths prevail, and the audience is open to the Uplifting Force, an as-yet unknown major player in the Quantum Dimensions.

Comedy is a great way to penetrate past the defenses and get to the core, and can be used to slide up the scale of Being to the God State. As you climb the dimensions, the nature of your problems will change, but the problems will never completely go away.

Here are a few of the subjects we’ll be covering in next week’s upcoming Comedy Workshop, to be held both in-person and online (both are available) on Memorial Day Weekend, May 27th, 28th, 29th and 30th: Continue reading